$50,000 buys 143 Nacho Libre Trikes


How much of your hard-earned money are you willing to dump into a depreciating, four-wheeled, rolling mass of metal, plastic, tinfoil with fluids your dog can’t lick?

On average, Americans pay $477 per month to mechanically move their sedate butts from point A to point B, with occasional Cinnabon stops on the way.

The only difference in getting you between points is aesthetics.

Will you realize a $50,000 truck’s ability to get you to the Red Box more than a $4,000 Ford Focus? Maybe in 12 inches of new snow, or old mud.  Most trucks never get the chance to eat the dirt and spit the water that ads portray.  Alter inflated egos beware of 0% APR.

When’s the last time you took a brand new, $40,000 Jeep Cherokee across a 1 ½ foot deep mountain stream at 30 mph with a panorama of the Rockies in the background, while two blonde children watch “Monster Inc.” on their head-rest-mounted DVD players?

That new car-world resides inside a large plasma screen, which in turn is edited in a smaller digital screen, which is attached to a computing device that fabricates reality. Question what you see.

When we are all stuck in traffic, it doesn’t matter if you are in a BMW or a VW.   The in-dash navigation system will not un-stuck you. You may be comfortably stuck, but your brain doesn’t reconcile overpaid options when stalled in Washington, D.C. traffic for 1.5 hours to go seven miles.

I lived that scenario in a 1984 Renault Alliance with no A/C.  The French did not engineer the euphoria button to push in said conditions.  That rolling heap of foreign junk crawled on its hands and knees with the rest of the Washingtonian exotics and neurotics.

When we get a flat tire, the $70,000 Cadillac Escalade releases the same free air back into the atmosphere as the 1982 Toyota Corolla. Flat tires don’t discriminate between socio-economic stratas, they just stay flatter – longer.

Last week, while browsing an online car ad, the left side of the ad had a 2006 Cadillac Escalade priced at $13,000.  Next to it was a newer 2013 Cadillac Escalade priced at $63,000.  A $50,000 hit over seven years of ownership was displayed right before my eyes.  It was pure poetry that the cars where placed side-by-side. The car dealer didn’t have a clue what he had done.for us.  The math was sans-calculator, even I the ignorant artist could figure out how much money you can throw away to have a heated butt, chilled pop, holographic miles-per-hour projected on your windshield, and Lady Gaga singing while stuffed in your suede trunk.

No disrespect intended to those who want to support Detroit’s pimped out, made in America, four wheeled land yachts.  In Montana, $50,000 will buy you five used Ford F150s with cheap camouflage paint, gun racks, grill guards, and those green pine-scent trees hanging from the review mirror.

Or better yet, you could buy and distribute 143 Nacho Libre Trike buggies and save the planet from global warming.  It’s minus-15 outside and I can’t find the global warming thermostat to turn the heat up.

At any rate, $50,000 with a reasonable return rate of 7 percent will double in seven years of investing, or just buy the new Escalade and burn the cash with a cheap cigar.


About MontanaBlueSky

I'm a commercial artist, artist, musician, bicyclist, father, husband, and more importantly, a Christ follower. Currently living in Montana after transplanting from Minnesota.
This entry was posted in Cartoons, Laugh at yourself, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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