The Alumacrafter, The “Un-official” Minnesota State Bird.

AlumacrafterAfter returning from a trip to Northern Minnesota, I realized the State Bird is really not the Loon (Gavia-inner) at all, but the Alumacrafter (Row-your-butt-off-us).

The Alumacrafter’s are a silvery-colored aquatic animal that skim across the water at varied speeds.  The species that closely resembles them is the Crestliner.

The Alumacrafter has a tail-end fixed to it called the Evinruder.  The tail moves quickly in a circular motion as it propels the Alumacrafter across the open water, or biggie-sized swamp area. Minnesota has been reported to have 10,000 of these large swamp areas.  Making it a natural habitat for the Alumacrafter to thrive and survive.

After being out all day, it will return and come to rest on a man-made landing area called a dock (not to be confused with “Duck.”) where it may spend the night with other Alumacraft’s, which are bound together to the same dock.   This is called “social docking.”  Or, it may choose to glide up onto the beach for the evening.  They are a rare species that can survive both in, out and under the water.

It feeds mainly on Walleye, Northern Pike, Bass, and Fossil Fuel. This happens during the spring, summer, and early fall months.

It hibernates during the winter on another man-made fish habitat item called the EZ Loader.  It will be buried under 10 feet of snow and emerge the following year after its cousin, the snowmobile, enters the post-winter hibernation phase of its life.

Sometimes it can be seen upside down in a field with many other wild animals using it for a natural covering.  Usually the Evinruder has been surgically removed in those instances.

The Snow machine and Alumacrafter are on opposite ends of the migration eco-system.  When one comes out of hibernation, the other becomes dormant and is covered with tarps and stuck in a shed, garage, or barn.

The size of the Alumacrafter, and the Evinruder that propels it, is directly proportional to the size of the wallet (not walleye).  The wallet is hidden in the lower rear panel of another animal called the Fishermen.  They usually can be seen riding it like a horse and steering it with the Evinrude’s one reign.

Sometimes the Fishermen will fall off the Alumacrafter and while holding another creature that is closely related to the Alumacrafter called the Aluminum Can (Hamm’s-beer-refreshing-us).

Sometimes these cans are piled up in the belly of the Alumacrafter, and will rattle around enough to warn all the fish that the human is near.   Tasty Night Crawler’s and Leeches will be appearing shortly.

The only man-made enemy of the Alumacraft is the buoy, and swim platform.  They are a hardy species.  Even after hitting a buoy at wide-open speeds, the Alumacrafter will slightly buckle and be left with a surface scar.  It usually can keep traveling to its final destination, after the human swims back to the Alumacrafter and re-takes the reign.The swim platform is far more dangerous and has the capability of sinking the Alumacrafter, or at least ripping the Evinruder of the back and it will quickly come to a stop.  The Fisherman are usually ejected on impact and launched forty feet into the air and land face down in the water.   Shoreline fisherman, after witnessing the collision will race out and drag the dazed fisherman into their Alumacrafter’s and take them to shore.

After the initial swim platform impact, dozens of the aluminum cans will spill out of the Alumacrafter and float adrift. The prevailing winds will carry them to shore and the fisherman will pick them up and recycle them.  The recycled aluminum cans will eventually morph back into a full-grown Alumacrafter.

This cycle of life reintroduce the Alumacrafter back into the wild.  Nature goes full circle. Although the loon is still the officially official state bird, it usually dives under the water in haste, as an Alumacrafter approaches at a high rate of speed.  It usually dives deep enough so not to get their feathers removed by the Evinruder’s rotating tail.

By the this action alone, the Loon exhibits submission to the Alumacrater’s dominance in the wild, hence supporting my argument for the Alumacrafter being named Minnesota’s official state bird.

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About miningtheword

I'm an artist, hack-writer, musician, bicyclist, runner, father, and husband, living the life in Montana. Always enjoying the Big Sky and hopefully making someone smile, think, laugh, ponder, curse and enjoy the days we've been given on earth. Why? Because nobody gets out alive.
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